Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Make Atonality Great Again!

My fellow patriots, I'm sure you all remember when, during the campaign, I promised to Make Twelve-Tone Great Again. And we did. Nothing but the 2nd Viennese School, 24/7. It was an amazing, beautiful, tremendous campaign. I had the biggest Electoral College Win in history. But Melania pointed out that the acronym for Make Atonality Great Again fits better with my MAGA message. And we already have the caps. Frankly, this is greater, believe me. Jared will head it up. Ivanka will design an atonal clothing line. We're doing well with the twelve-tone people, but also with the blacks, the women, the Latinos, the African-Americans. To be perfectly honest, we're popular with everybody.

So today, we're launching our amazing campaign here in Brentwood, California, where Arnold Schoenberg was born. He's a guy who continues to get recognized more and more, that I will tell you. He was there at the oranges of the whole atonal thing.

We'll be, in a very short time, a couple of months, putting on a production of his opera Moses und Aron, with Chris Christie and Steve Scalise starring. "Verklarte Nacht," we've done something tremendous with this piece. It will be all bassoons, in a new version by Kevin McCarthy, another guy from California who's doing an outstanding job. Kellyanne will be singing "Nachtwandler." You don't want to miss this, I'm telling you. We have Gustavo, who I've known since he came here from Costa Rica, coordinating the whole thing. The Dude! We'll open in Branson, Missouri, for two weeks, and then go on a nine-month tour of the deep South, where they love us. We do very well there. We're looking to bring in Roy Moore to conduct "Gurrelieder." To be perfectly honest, this will be something we've never seen before. It will be UUUUGE! Burger King and Coca-Cola will sponsor the whole thing. The ratings we'll get! FABULOUS!!

Then we've got Steve King to play the "Piano Suite," Op. 25. You'll never hear anything better, it's not gonna happen, okay? And due to popular demand, we're bringing back Carly Fiorina to sing "Pierrot Lunaire." She was a candidate for president a while, but she fell off the stage. We love you, Carly. Elegant. Fantastic.

We also will feature "Herzgewachse," Op. 20 with Joni Ernst. That girl can sing high. So high! UNBELIEVABLE!

And I haven't even mentioned yet – Maestro Alvin Berg. We'll do the Altenberg Lieder with Hope Hicks. She's very talented. Incredible. A lot of people are saying she could be the star of the whole thing. And of course Lulu will be the grand finale, with Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Speaking of the Huckabee's, Mike has done a new special version of Webern's Movements (5) for string quartet, Op. 5. For five Fender basses. That's Anthony Webern . . . or Anton von Webern . . . or Tony. He answers to all three.

As for Ernst Krenek . . . I'm going to maybe – and I'm looking at it very seriously – we're doing some other things that you probably noticed like some of the very important things we're doing now. But we're looking at it very seriously. But "Jonny spielt auf," I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
Obama did nothing like this, by the way, and very badly. So phoney! It's a DISGRACE!! He invited some guy named Hamilton to the White House to perform. I've never even heard of the guy. I don't know him. We heard it was boring. Dumb. Overrated. SAD!

In all honesty, we asked Governor Romney to join us. We asked him to conduct the Erwartung Op. 17. He turned us down! People thought it was going to happen. I don't understand it. It was a perfect call. Perfect, believe me. Everyone is now saying he doesn't have a clue. He's a disaster. WEAK! He’s a low-energy person, let’s face it. We don’t need low energy. We need lots of energy.

So that's our story. Make Atonality Great Again. Like it was when America was great. It will be amazing. Beautiful. Bigly. THE BEST!!
And Mexico will pay for it. THAT I CAN PROMISE YOU!!!

Wednesday, October 2, 2019